Listening is something of a lost art — something that is not easy to do. Most people would probably say that listening is the opposite of talking. I wish that were true but I don’t think it is. When we have conversations with others, if we are honest, we are not listening as much as we are waiting to talk. In reality, waiting to talk is really the opposite of talking for most people.

This week I watched an episode of The Voice, the reality singing competition on NBC. What I found interesting was the format they used for selecting the contestants — something called “The Blind Audition.” With their backs turned to the contestants, the four judges listened to the singers without the benefit of any visual references or clues. This kind of format forced the judges to tune in to subtleties in voices that can otherwise be easily missed. That’s just one way to improve listening skills.

Another way to improve our listening skills is by realizing that listening is something that goes beyond words or the sound of a person’s voice. We can become better listeners by paying attention to body language and movements that can give us insight into the other person’s emotional state. Body language gives context to spoken words and can give deeper meaning to those words. We can easily miss those clues if we are more focused on what we are going to say next rather than on what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.

One way to acknowledge that we are actively listening is by leaning in or toward the person who is speaking. That’s a great way to show them that they have our undivided attention. And, instead of immediately seizing an opportunity to get our two cents in, try waiting a few seconds. Even a few seconds of silence are like building white space into the conversation and allows you to breath and to think before replying. And, if necessary, summarize what you heard the other person say and repeat it back to them. This reinforces both listening and understanding and helps to ensure that you have indeed listened.

We can improve our listening skills if we will make it a point to stop waiting to talk while others are talking. Good listening is hard work but well worth the effort because listening gives us deeper insight into the lives of the people around us. And, listening is also a great way to affirm the value of others. There are not many things that can make others feel that they are important as when we take a genuine interest in them and actively listen to what they have to say. So, stop waiting to talk and start listening. You’ll be glad you did, and so will others.

More is not necessarily a good thing in other areas as well, especially thinking. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that it is a bad thing to think about things. I am referring specifically to the process of over-thinking or over-analyzing things. While some folks don’t spend nearly as much time as they should thinking things through, others tend to over-think or over-analyze everything. Over-thinkers have an aptitude for introducing unnecessary worry into almost any process. They can make easy things hard, simple things complex, and painless things painful by introducing scenarios that are never likely to happen. This can lead to frustration and stagnation or what some have called analysis paralysis. Over-thinking is a form of fear and worry that can unwittingly lead us to sabotage great plans and dreams — or lead us to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

When it comes to thinking, we need healthy balance. We must learn to guard against acting too quickly because we did not think things through. And, we must learn to guard against acting too slowly or not at all because of over-thinking a matter. Over-thinking is a form of eisegesis or subjectively reading into a matter what is not there. The bottom line is that our plans will never be perfect or without the risk of failure. No amount of over-thinking or over-analyzing will change that or eliminate all the risks. Sometimes, regardless of the best laid plans of mice and men, things will go wrong. That’s life! The path of progress is messy and seldom straight. Sometimes we end up killing both the grubs and the grass. When that happens, learn from it and move on. Don’t allow over-thinking to overcome you.

Natalie Grant | KBC Missions Offices

I have told several friends this week that I came away with something more this past Sunday. I had the opportunity to meet Natalie between services in our pastoral office suite. Just as I was about to shake her hand, my youngest daughter Gina, who is serving in Malaysia, called me. When I saw Gina’s number on my phone, I asked Natalie if she would take a moment to say hello. Of course, she was more than gracious and talked with Gina via Skype video on my phone. As you can imagine, Gina was beside herself with excitement. Later in the morning, Natalie stopped by our missions ministry office and took a moment to record another video greeting to Gina. She encouraged Gina to keep living her dream of serving God among the nations. When Gina received the video she replied with a text saying, “You’re the best Dad in the world!”

Well, I don’t know if I’m the best Dad in the world but I do know this — Natalie Grant is a kind person. She is as down-to-earth and friendly as anyone you’d expect to meet in your own hometown. And, she understood the importance of taking a brief moment to do something nice for a student living far from home and missing her family. Seeing that side of Natalie off stage made seeing her on stage even better for me. As much as I have enjoyed her music over the years, I will enjoy it even more because of her kindness to my daughter. We can all do what Natalie did every day if we will take a moment to seize even the briefest opportunities to do something kind or to offer encouragement to others. It’s those little things that we do behind the scenes that can make a big difference in the lives of others. Thanks for your kindness to my daughter, Natalie.

B = Books | Reading books is one of the best ways to stimulate your imagination. Reading forces your brain to get engaged by drawing mental pictures. So, always have a good book close at hand. Also make it a point to read stuff that will challenge your worldview, that will expand your vocabulary, and that will give you something to meditate on throughout the day.

R = Rest | Physical exercise is important because it increases blood flow to the brain which, in turn, helps to improve brain functioning. However, rest is also important to good brain function. A lack of sleep or exhaustion can actually interfere with your ability to process and assimilate new information. So, get a good night’s sleep and you may find that things will be much more in focus when you wake up in the morning.

A = Ask | Learn to ask questions. Asking questions is at the root of good thinking and helps to stimulate the thought process. We live in the day of instant information — essentially hand-me down knowledge that is easily accessible and seldom questioned. We must read carefully, think critically, and ask the kind of questions that can give us greater insight into any given topic.

I = Interest | Develop an interest in things that can stimulate your thinking. Consider learning a new language, memorizing a chapter of Scripture or a song, expanding your vocabulary, or finding a new or more creative way to do something. Stay curious about the world around you, try to learn something new every day, and let your mind dwell on good things (Phil. 4:8).

N = Nourishment | Good nourishment is essential to good brain function. Start your day by eating a good breakfast high in protein and good carbohydrates. Avoid the consumption of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and slows down and impairs cognitive ability. Make it a point to eat right — after all, you are also feeding your brain.

My friend's Farsi language Bible.

The week before Thanksgiving I had the opportunity to lead a single father from Iran to faith in Christ. It was a beautiful experience. It didn’t take me long to conclude that this young man had the heart of a Berean. The New Testament book of Acts records the story of the Bereans. The Apostle Paul visited the Jewish synagogue in this Macedonian city while on his Second Missionary Journey. The thing that set the Bereans apart from their neighbors in Thessalonica was their willingness to carefully examine the claims of Christ by searching the Scriptures. Luke, the writer of Acts, wrote, “Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily, to see whether these things were so” (Acts 17:11). My new Iranian friend displayed the same kind of eagerness in our first meeting. He asked intelligent and thought-provoking questions about both the Qur’an and the Bible. And, after giving much consideration to the claims of Christ, my friend chose to place his faith in Christ for salvation.

I made a commitment to meet weekly with my new Iranian friend and brother to help him take his first steps as a Christ-follower. Our first three meetings have been intense. This young man is reading the Bible daily and thinking deeply about what he is reading. He can’t seem to get enough of God’s Word. His appetite for the Scripture is refreshing and reminds me of the days when I first came to faith in Christ and searched God’s Word for the answers to a million and one questions. I had underlined so many passages in my first Bible that a friend who flipped through the pages of my Bible commented, “Wow! What’s important, what’s not underlined?” As my new friend and I sat and talked yesterday, I thought of Psalm 119:20, “My soul is crushed with longing after Thine ordinances at all times.” I have to say that as much as I love to read and study the Scriptures, I’m convicted by the attitude of the psalmist. Honestly, I have to admit that sometimes my soul is crushed with longing after other things or other less important pursuits. That’s why I am thankful for my Iranian friend with the Berean heart. God has used him and his thirst for God’s Word to convict me to strengthen my grip on my own quiet times with God and to continue to think deeply about His Word. What about you? Is your soul crushed with longing after God’s Word at all times?

Although I don’t particularly enjoy making mistakes, I don’t mind making them. There is no shame in making mistakes, especially new ones. The challenge is not to avoid mistakes but to learn from them. Mistakes are opportunities. As with defeats and failures, mistakes should cause us to evaluate. One way to learn from our mistakes is by doing an autopsy — a postmortem examination to try to learn what went wrong and why. And then, we must be careful that we do not lose heart or allow our mistakes to distance us from the goal or dream we are pursuing. We must keep going. One good thing about mistakes is that they are like road signs that point us in a new direction or toward a new way of doing things. So, don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Determine to make new mistakes, big and bold mistakes, the kind of mistakes that show you are still in the game.

When I first ventured away from home as a Freshman in high school, I carried a Kodak Instamatic camera with me and came home with nothing but photos of buildings and landmarks. When my Dad looked at my photos he kindly suggested that the next time I include people, even myself, in the photos. “People are more interesting than buildings and monuments,” he said. Dad pointed out that photos of buildings were fine for a travel brochure but dull for a personal album. He was right. Since then, I have focused more on the people who live in the interesting places I visit rather than on buildings or ruins or monuments.

When my friend asked me about which sight I liked best in Malaysia, I remembered a story I had heard years ago about an elementary school teacher who asked her students to list the Seven Wonders of the World on a sheet of paper. When she asked for responses, there was some disagreement among her students. Some called out places like the pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Grand Canyon, the Panama Canal, the Great Wall of China, the Roman Colosseum, and other popular sites. As she recorded the various responses on the board, she noticed that one little girl had not turned in her paper yet. She asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. “Yes, a little,” she replied. “I can’t quite make up my mind because there are so many.” The teacher then said, “Well, tell us what you have listed and maybe we can help.” The girl hesitated and then said, “I think the Seven Wonders of the World are…”

1. “…to touch.”
2. “…to taste.”
3. “…to see.”
4. “…to hear.”

And then, after a pensive pause, she added,

5. “…to feel.”
6. “…to laugh.”
7. “…and to love.”

I think the little girl got it right. There really are some cool and fascinating places on the planet, but ultimately, the most wondrous things are those that we so easily overlook — the simple and ordinary things that matter the most and make the biggest difference. My daughter truly was the best sight I saw in Malaysia, better than any man-made or natural wonder. Seeing and spending time with Gina was a wondrous and wonderful experience for this Dad whose daughter lives half-a-world away from home. I hope that you will take time to appreciate the Seven Wonders of the World as seen through the eyes of a little girl in a classroom.

In a related article entitled “Thousands of Asian Couples Rush to Wed on 11.11.11”, one of Hong Kong’s leading feng shui masters also said that November 11 was a good day for marriage because the numbers 11/11/11 signify eternal love. Many of the couples scheduled their ceremonies to take place at exactly 11:00 AM on this date that they believe is “the most auspicious in a century.” However, marriage planners said that “November 20 this year will be even bigger, since 20/11/2011 is an exact repetition of the numbers.”

Adding a bit of sobering perspective on marriage was an article entitled “Wife Beating Reason for Most Divorces in RAK.” RAK or Ras al-Khaimah, is one of the seven emirates of the United Arab Emirates. The article also pointed out that “domestic violence among spouses was cited as the reason in 72 per cent of the marital disputes in Dubai this year.” Child abuse, husbands staying out late, and financial problems are other reasons cited in family disputes.

Ultimately, the strength of a marriage is based on something much deeper than a particular combination or convergence of numbers. In the long run, it’s not the date that determines the success of a marriage. If you tie the knot with an abusive jerk on your special day, chances are that you have just purchased a front-row seat to more of the same. And, lest we point a critical finger at Buddhists and Muslims, Christ-followers are no exception to marriage woes. That is why the psalmist cautioned, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those that build it labor in vain” (Ps. 127:1). Cheryl and I tied the knot on 22 November 1980 and have enjoyed a great marriage not because of the date but because of our determination to keep Christ at the center of our marriage.

Marriage takes a lot of hard work on the part of a husband and wife. I sincerely hope that those who exchanged vows on 11/11/11 will indeed stay married for a lifetime and enjoy every happiness. Ultimately, however, the success of these marriages will depend on how these spouses treat one another on every ordinary and inauspicious day of the year. A great marriage is built one day at a time.

Me: I couldn’t help but notice the photo of that young man in the football uniform. Who was he and how did he die?

Lady: That’s Mr. Weikel’s son. He was killed in a car accident. I think he was coming home from a football game when it happened.

Me: Oh my. I am so sorry to hear that.

Lady: Yea. He and I grew up together here in La Grange. He was a really nice guy.

And then, the lady behind the counter looked down and softly continued.

Lady: My son also died in a car accident. It happened two years ago on my birthday. He would have turned twenty this year.

And then she paused, turned her head from side to side, and continued. Two of his friends were also killed in that accident.

Me: I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine how painful that must have been for you.

Lady: Yea. It still hurts.

And then the lady paused, her eyes now moist, and softly said, Tomorrow is my birthday. It’s gonna be a tough day.

I spent a few more moments with her before she had to attend to another customer. As Doyle and I drove away we talked about this lady and the pain she will carry with her for the rest of her life. You just never know the kind of pain that the people you see everyday carry around inside — pain hidden behind a smile or buried so deep that no one can see it. But, it’s there. Proverbs 14:13 reminds us, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.” That’s just one reason why we should try to be nice to everybody we meet. A courteous greeting, a warm smile, or an encouraging word are just some of the things that can bless those who carry heavy burdens of pain. So, the next time you look in to the eyes of the person behind the counter or in the next office or standing on a street corner, be kind to them. You just never know how God might use your kindness and concern as a soothing balm to bring a little relief and encouragement to someone in pain.

Step two — I asked her to type the house address into the calculator on my phone. She did. I now had a house number but no corresponding street name. When I motioned which direction to go she could not tell me. So, I invited her to get in my truck and we drove up and down every street in my subdivision. However, I could not find the house number she had given me on any of the streets near my home. And although she had a cell phone, she could not reach the person she was staying with. But, after a few more attempts, someone finally answered. It was her daughter. I explained that her mother was lost and I was trying to get her home. The daughter thanked me and gave me her home address. The house numbers that she gave me did not match those that her disoriented mother had given me. However, once I had the correct information, I punched the info into my GPS and headed to her daughter’s home. When I stopped to let the little lost lady out of the vehicle she said, “Sank you, sank you, sank you.” I smiled and said, “You’re welcome.” Then, she stood and waved as I drove away.

Someone once asked the great frontiersman Daniel Boone if he had ever been lost. Boone did not hesitate — “No, but once I was a might bewildered for a few days!” Lost or bewildered, those who have no idea where they are need someone to rescue them and show them the way home. That’s what Jesus came to do. He defined His mission in these terms — “to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). Jesus told a story about a shepherd who had one hundred sheep but went in search of one that was lost until he found it (Luke 15:4-7). And He told the story of a woman who turned her house upside down until she found a coin she had lost (Luke 15:8-10). Jesus also told the story of a father who had two sons, the younger of whom left home and lost his way. When the young man finally found his way home again, the father celebrated his return with a great feast, telling everyone who attended, “For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found…” (Luke 15:24). In each case, the recovery of what had been lost resulted in rejoicing.

As Christ-followers we have a responsibility to help those who are spiritually lost or disoriented by pointing them to Jesus who is “the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). Jesus said that “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance” (Luke 15:7). I’m glad I had the opportunity to help a little Chinese lady find her way home. The joy on her face when she saw her home reminded me of a greater joy that awaits those who will one day see Jesus because we helped them to find their way home.